‘And here I thought he was too cool for hugs.’ Harry said with an amused smirk as he reappeared and crossed the garden and handed Draco some water. He might’ve got a bit too tipsy earlier and under the hot summer sun Harry had started supplying him with water sometime after dinner.
‘Yeah, well, apparently I’m so cool I’m still huggable.’ Draco said smugly. Harry sat down on the swing seat next to them and Draco was glad that Teddy could act as a physical buffer. Ok, he was a terrible parent for thinking that.
‘He should probably go to bed now, Harry.’ Luna said in passing. She was walking around the garden and picking up the odd discarded cup.
‘Yeah, you’re right. Do you want to take him?’ Harry turned to Draco. ‘I’m stealing your weekend with him after all.’ Draco nodded but didn’t reply. Harry lifted Teddy off Draco’s arm and he wiggled his fingers to get the blood flowing more quickly. Teddy stirred a little at the movement and Draco debated on waking him up to walk him upstairs. He thought better of it, so he cast a featherweight charm and lifted Teddy up to take him to bed.
He made it upstairs fairly easily but when he set Teddy down on his bed, the young boy stirred just enough to be aware of what was happening.
‘Daddy…?’ He murmured. Draco’s heart sank just a little bit.
‘No, sweetheart. It’s Draco, Dad’s downstairs.’ He said gently. Of course he wanted Harry.
‘Nevermind.’ Teddy said sleepily as he helped Draco get him into his pyjamas. ‘I’m glad you came. Dad said you weren’t coming.’ He said as he slid under the covers. Draco frowned.
‘Did he?’ Why would Harry tell Teddy he wasn’t coming when he only invited Draco on Teddy’s behalf?
‘Yeah. But you came anyway. Love you.’ He reached out for a hug, but his eyes were already closing again.
‘Love you too Ted.’ He hugged him gently and ran a hand through his messy blond hair before leaving and closing the door behind him.
When he got back downstairs, he saw Pansy disappearing through the floo. She managed to catch his eye just before she disappeared, and he could’ve sworn she was smirking.
He found Harry in the kitchen washing up glasses.
‘So, I just had an interesting conversation with Ted.’ He said as he leant against the bench.
‘Oh?’ Harry said without taking his eyes away from the dishes. It was so domestic Draco was thrown back five years to a different time.
‘He was under the impression I wasn’t coming today. Now, why would he think that when I was invited on his behalf?’ Draco tried not to look too smug, but his heart was racing, and he allowed himself to finally have a little bit of hope for something he once lost.
Harry didn’t say anything.
‘Harry, if you wanted me here, you could’ve just said so.’ Draco said gently. Harry looked at him with wide green eyes and Draco’s chest tightened. It was doing that a lot these days.
‘You would’ve come?’ Harry asked hopefully. Draco thought about it.
‘No, probably not.’ He admitted.
‘Exactly.’ Harry mumbled. Draco frowned at him. His posture was defeatist; shoulders slumped, elbows rested on the edges of the sink. His hair was wild after spending the afternoon stood in the summer breeze and it took Draco a lot of self-control not to run his hands through it. Harry’s hair was a disaster, but few people had any idea how soft it really was. Draco supposed looks could be deceiving. He just wished he could say the same for himself. Cold on the outside, even colder on the inside.
‘It might’ve made a difference though. If there’s something you want to say to me, you should just say it. I don’t appreciate you using Teddy as a bargaining tool.’ It sounded meaner than Draco really meant it to, but it was true. Related by blood or not, Teddy was their son and he deserved better than to be a pawn in their pathetic attempt at civility.
‘I didn’t mean to. I just…missed you I guess. My favourite birthdays were the ones when I could wake up and have breakfast with you and Teddy and spend the whole day with you, just being a family. You know, feeling like a part of something.’ Harry’s eyes were trained on the floor as he spoke, and Draco was grateful because he wasn’t sure he could have this conversation otherwise. He felt guilt pull at him for taking that away from him, but what was he supposed to say? Harry had never come after him. In fact, Harry had purposefully blocked him out.
‘I get it Harry, I really do. It’s just…I can’t do this. I know we have Ted, and he means a lot to me, but we’re done Harry. We need to move on.’ He hated saying it, but it was true. They couldn’t tiptoe around each other forever.
‘Do you ever wonder what it would’ve been like if we’d worked out?’ Harry asked him, lifting his head to look at him. There were slight crinkles beginning to form around his eyes —the barest hint that he was quickly approaching his thirties. Draco thought they were almost more beautiful than any other part of Harry and he couldn’t quite explain why.
Yes, he thought.
‘No,’ he said. ‘I don’t dwell on the past Harry, and you shouldn’t either. If things had worked out, we wouldn’t have been true to ourselves. I’m done apologising for who I am, I have been for a long time.’
Harry sighed heavily.
‘That’s all I ever wanted Draco.’ Harry turned to look at him and Draco summoned his confidence and held his eye.
‘What.’ He watched as Harry rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He reserved making any judgements until he’d given Harry the opportunity to explain himself.
‘Well, you were always rolling over and taking the hits. And no, I don’t just mean with the healer training.’ Harry held up a hand to stop Draco as he opened his mouth to interrupt. ‘I just wanted you to have some faith in us. Stand up and show people they were wrong about you. I could’ve easily gone charging in and shot them all down, but I knew how much it meant to you that you worked hard and earned it. I wanted you to trust that I’d support you no matter what happened, and you didn’t have to be scared to just be you. I don’t know how that turned out so badly, but I only ever meant well.’
‘So you thought pushing and pushing me would help? It took years to clear my name enough that I could walk down the street without getting hexed within an inch of my life. You can’t expect the world to change overnight. I did some really terrible things and I can’t expect the whole world to forgive me just because you have.’
‘You never hurt anyone, Draco.’ Harry said quietly.
‘Oh, didn’t I? We’ve been through this Harry, so many times. Sure, I didn’t kill anyone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have blood on my hands. We can talk ourselves around in circles but what’s done is done.’
‘I miss you.’ Harry said abruptly. Draco pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He didn’t need this. Not now.
‘You could’ve just told me that instead of playing these stupid games with me.’ Draco said exasperatedly.
‘I know. I’m sorry.’ And there is was. The first apology since the divorce. Draco didn’t know if it was an apology for the invite, or if Harry meant more, but somehow it felt like something had shifted yet again. Draco stood very still as Harry stepped towards him. He fought the instinct to step backwards, instead standing his ground.
‘Potter what are you—’
‘Do you know how difficult it was watching you today?’ Harry said, his voice taking on a strange tone. ‘Chatting with Neville and playing games with Rose and Hugo. Do you have any idea what you look like when you laugh like that, when you smile like no one else is watching?’
Draco thought his heart might burst clear out of his chest it was beating so hard.
‘How much have you been drinking?’ Draco asked him. His voice came out strangled and uneven.
‘You know what I’m like when I’m drunk Draco, and this isn’t it.’ Harry skimmed a thumb over Draco’s left cheek and it was as if time stood still. He couldn’t see straight, he couldn’t think straight. He didn’t move a muscle but that didn’t seem to bother Harry. He looked him straight in the eye as if daring Draco to stop him, but Draco couldn’t. There was a part of him who desperately wanted this to happen. It was the part that told everyone he was fine and moving on and ready to start a new life in Paris.
‘Fuck it.’ Harry said and brought their lips together.
It wasn’t like any kiss they’d ever shared before. It wasn’t like any kiss Draco had ever had with anyone. At first it felt like Harry’s lips were just ghosting over Draco’s, Draco was even about to question if any of it was real when it seemed like Harry’s last thread of restraint snapped. He pulled Draco flush to him and kissed him like his life depended on it. Draco could feel Harry’s chest pressed flush against his own and his hands trembled as he tried his best to be the strong one of the pair.
He tried to slow him down, draw his lips back a bit, but Harry wasn’t falling for it. He gripped Draco’s waist and Draco gave up trying to resist. He met the ferocity of Harry’s kiss. It was clashing teeth and too much tongue, but Draco didn’t care. Harry was warm and familiar and just a little bit intoxicating. As his hands sank into Harry’s hair, he knew he was well and truly fucked. Harry’s hair was always one of Draco’s favourite things about him, even though he always pretended he hated it. Harry tasted like the low-quality beer he insisted on drinking and his birthday chocolate cake and if he was honest, Draco couldn’t get enough.
He was just getting lost in the kiss when Harry pulled sharply on his bottom lip and he was snapped back to his senses. He pushed Harry away from him and fought to catch his breath. They were staring at each other, wild eyed and puffy lipped. Draco could smell Harry on him; a mix of cedar and grapefruit—the notes of the aftershave Draco used to buy him.
‘I-I-I have to go.’ Draco scrabbled in his pockets for his wand. He was too unbalanced to try the floo. It wasn’t until he was turning on the spot that he realised Harry had probably changed the wards after Draco left. As Head Auror and Harry Potter, Harry was conscious about have anti-apparition wards around the house to stop the crazier fans from trying anything.
The last thing he saw as he felt the familiar pull from his navel, was Harry frantically calling for him to stay but as he landed in his crumby little flat he knew he’d made the right decision.
He ran to his shower, desperate to get the smell of Harry’s aftershave off him. He ripped off his blue shirt and the chinos he’d chosen to wear and vanished them. He never wanted to see them again. He stepped into the shower and turned the temperature right up, as if burning a couple of layers of skin was some sort of suitable punishment.
It was fortuitous that Draco hadn’t managed to lift the wards Harry had set because whilst a shower was a great way to disguise the physical appearance of tears, nothing could disguise the sounds of his sobs. Especially not since he’d left his wand in the bedroom where he’d apparated to.
